A Teaching Moment: Don’t Touch Black Women’s Hair

A lot of y’all may have seen this already. But if not, it is my genuine pleasure to introduce you to this video:

On principle I never share videos promoting violence, but BRUH! If you watched that video once there’s no way you didn’t look at it at least two more times. It’s like visual potato chips…one just aint enough. Not only that, it’s completely justified. There is no question that kid earned every one of those five fingers to the face. Every stage of this seven second video is epic:

-The drumroll of the two white girls getting their hair pulled with very little reaction.

-The moment you notice that third girl in line was black and knew exactly how this was going to end.

-The fact that it all happens so fast! No time for a warning and no time for an “I’m sorry” after the fact. It is the rawest example of cause and effect I have ever seen.

-That slap tho! OH MY GAWD! If you had the sound off when you watched it the first time, go look at it again with volume. Any inkling I had that this was fake was gone after I heard that lick. 

The Lesson:

So rather than just share this video for the “Oh shit” reaction it will undoubtly get, I decided to make this a teaching moment for the InHellExcel Nation: DO NOT TOUCH A GIRL’S (ESPECIALLY A BLACK GIRL’S) HAIR WITHOUT HER CONSENT!!! Don’t do it fam. Does not matter your ethnicity…don’t do it. Does not matter if you’re a woman…don’t do it. Does not matter if she thinks you cute and you’ve known her since y’all was kids and her mama babysat your little brother that one time when he was home sick with the chickenpox…bruh. Do. Not. Do. It.

Now me being a grown-ass man who does his hair pulling while behind a consenting lady friend, I had no idea this ‘yaga’ mess was a thing. Apparently it was a Vine trend that went viral circa 2014. This particular video was from this year though. I guess these guys were trying to bring it back. Hopefully the yaga movement died along with all the nerve endings on the left side of dude’s face. So let’s do a play by play of this fuckery:

Sesame Street tried to teach y’all early to recognize differences. Khadija and Becky are not the same chick and will not have the same reaction. 

As quick as this video is, the first time I watched it I swear it was like slow motion at this point. The very slight moment of silence as she stood up…then the look on dude’s face. Real fear. RIP that guy. 

That slap was the only way that could have ended. No other possible outcome. It was giving Kobe the ball with 10 seconds on the clock in the 4th. It was putting a microphone in front of Donald Trump. It was giving me a slice of pizza right now. Kobe will shoot, Trump will say something stupid and I will stuff my face. In that order. End of story. That slap was like when your Street Fighter character catches that last punch that kills him. The one that echos as you fall in slow motion and you know you’re not getting back up. 

A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. Let this fool teach you something InHellExcel Nation. Don’t do it fam. 

Echoing Opinions: The Danger in Ignoring the Other Side

Sometimes I think people only want to hear their own opinions echoed back to themselves…kinda like a Jeezy adlib.

I know I’m guilty of it.  I used to be in awe that Trump was doing so well in the polls. Me and everyone on my timeline were only talking about how he’s batshit crazy…so how the hell could he be winning?  Then it hit me that I have mostly liberal people on my social media. There was an opposite opinion I was almost completely ignoring. I was stuck in my own little bubble of like-minded people.

I swerved the other side’s argument like it was a Drake kiss and my name was Rihanna. And I do it all the time. I can be listening to someone talk and if the wrong thing is said, I can cut off my attention like a Tyga verse just came on.

The danger in ignoring the other side is that you miss valid points that might be necessary for an informed decision.

Don’t get me wrong though. Some folks are just plain wrong. I can’t support hatred in any form. On my Kaepernick, I just can’t stand for it.

But I know I should do a better job of listening to people with opposing views. It’s smart to make sure they ain’t making just a little bit of sense before completely ignoring them.

 

Leave Arthur Alone Dammit!!!

I hadn’t written one of these in a while. Been out here making a living and such. Y’all been acting a fool while I was away. But now that I’m back at the keyboard, would someone be so kind as to tell me what the hell is up with this:

Nah fam. I don’t know who started this, but I’m not here for it.  I don’t care if I’m in the minority on this one. I will not stand for y’all besmirching the good name of my little aardvark homie Arthur. And to all those that will argue that there are more pressing issues in the world right now…sure there are. Racial discord. Yup, that’s still as troubling as ever. Zika is also poppin right now in the streets. Trump still has a microphone. Problems all…but those are out of my pay grade. I leave those in the capable hands of President Obama, Jesus, and Olivia Pope. But this Arthur thing is some light work that I felt obliged to handle on their behalf.

So let’s talk about why y’all need to bury this thing in the past like FUBU jerseys and Petey Pablo.

 

So Arthur is a children’s cartoon character that has been a long time staple in the PBS’s valiant attempts to prevent children from growing up to be serial killers. Arthur is a all around nice guy with a precocious little sister and he’s just living life out here trying to win, trying not to sin. Know who else that could be said about? Me!!! I related to Arthur so hard growing up. Me and Arthur had several of the same problems growing up as the oldest kid trying to deal with home and school and friends and whatnot.

And the internet did the same thing with my little aardvark ally as it does with everything…made it horrible.

When I saw this, my inner child went:

What kind of incestuous bullshit is this?! Most of these are so bad I couldn’t even bring myself to give them more circulation.

I mean, I get the cheap, comedic value of the concept. On paper it all adds up: take something innocent and add a caption to make it sexual or ratchet and it equals a smirk on the face of someone scrolling their timeline while taking a shit. I get it. I thought if I ignored this, it would just go away. But y’all just wouldn’t let it die:

It’s like someone took pictures of baby me and plastered them all over social media running amok. Again…nah fam. This will not stand. So I came up with a solution: meme Little Bill. He’s creepy as hell.

Little Bill was a Nickelodeon cartoon created to give Bill Cosby more money for roofies. I don’t care about Little Bill. He came up when I was in high school. Y’all can go nuts with him. I won’t care a bit. Plus, Bill Cosby has torn his legacy to shreds already. I say go in on Creeper Little Bill. Look, I’ll even get the ball rolling:

 

 

Why Jay Z should Keep his Lemons to Himself

Is it safe yet? Are y’all still in formation? Are the streets overflowing with man blood and tears?

Okay…I’m gonna cautiously step out of my panic room. Let’s see what’s left of this Post-Lemonade world. 

As the history books of the next generation will document, on April 23rd 2016 Queen Bey released a substance into the atmosphere that whipped the female population into a frenzy. Every exboyfriend was at risk of having their throat ripped out by the teeth of a bad bitch that sipped the Lemonade. 

Hopefully those history books won’t mention a response album from Jay Z. Why? Because absolutely no good can come from it. Let me break down just how thoroughly a bad idea a response to Lemonade would be. 

 He can’t win

Anyone that has been in an argument with their wife or girlfriend can tell you it’s a futile engagement. There is no winning…there’s just waiting for the rage to subside and watching out for the flare up a month later because she never really got over it. They won’t let it go. 

If Jay does respond to what he’s been very publicly accused of, it would just add fuel to the fire. And if they really have mended their relationship, which I desperately want to believe because I love my black power couples, he should just take the L and try to move on. 

I’m not getting my ass in formation

What Jay did or didn’t do with Becky-with-the-good-hair is irrelevant. He will never get the same support as Beyoncé for telling his side of the story. Charlamagne tha God has this great line: nobody cares about the truth when the lie is more entertaining. And Bey was extremely entertaining. Perception is the only thing that matters in this situation, and Beyoncé and the Beyhive won that battle long ago. Jigga will not get that same support from his fans. Do you get in the middle of drama between your homie and his girl? Hell no. And I ain’t getting in this either. Sorry Hov.

On the other hand, a response album would sell like tacos on Tuesday. And that’s really the point of all this anyway. I guess if you gotta be put on blast buy your lady, you might as well get rich(er) from it. What do you guys think? Y’all wanna see Jay Z’s lemons or nah?